Life With Boys

Why do I even think that we could go to a movie like a typical family? Find our seats … eat a little popcorn … enjoy the show … it’s just not going to happen in my lifetime, I fear.

We took the boys to see a movie at the theater. First dilemma: one boy is still totally freaked out about going up the stairs, and thus, every seat not in the first row is “too high.” … OK, get that one solved … play a few rounds of musical chairs to get everyone into an acceptable position ….

Then I head out for popcorn and other required items … and of course, the boy promptly knocks over his special kid-size snack within moments of getting settled … back out I go … because I don’t think the five-second rule applies in a movie theater …

Finally, we settle in, and things are going OK when the boy semi-whispers to me, “I’m stuck.” … “What do you mean you’re stuck?” … “I’m stuck.” … Mr. “I can’t sit still for five seconds even if my life depended on it” has managed to stand up in the crack of the seat and is seriously stuck in there.

Here I am, yanking on him in the dark, trying not to block the view of the people around me … and he’s not budging. And what is the large boy doing? Laughing … he’s laughing so hard it looks like he may cry.

Finally, I free the boy from the seat with some superhuman feats of flexibility and strength. I catch a break … for five minutes … and now the other boy has to pee … and his timing is fantastic as he has to go RIGHT NOW … and there are maybe two minutes left in the film … so if you know how it ends … let me know …