Life With Boys

I’ve been mentally writing this post forever — seeing as I’m an expert in the world of kids TV.

First an introduction to the kids TV networks:

• Sprout — a PBS for kids, very few commercials — pretty good. Home of Thomas The Train, Pingu, Bob The Builder
• Noggin — A preschool version of Nickelodeon — changes to tweens programs at five
• The Disney Channel — hard to belive they’re constantly letting you know what is coming out on DVD next. Avoid the Wiggles and the Doodlebops at all costs.
• Cartoon Network — These are the cartoons we grew up on. I don’t let the kids watch it.
• Boomerang — More of the cartoons we grew up on. Every other minute there is an ad for the latest and greatest this or that. But they do have the Land Before Time cartoons.
• Discovery Kids — This is where we find quite a few of the Dinosaur viewing options.

There are about 20 more — but this is the top of the list in our house.

Here are my observations about kids TV:

• High school cheerleaders are really just training for their future profession as kids show entertainers. Who else would want to spend their adult life singing about letters, numbers and colors?
• “It’s like preschool on TV” — In order to justify the number of hours our kids spend watching, the different channels all offer some type of educational spin in the intro to the show — one goes so far as to tell you that “this show helps develop vocabulary, explore interpersonal relationships and understand narrative.” Not that I’m knocking it — it’s just funny I think.
• OK whoever thought up this one was on something pretty good — and the trick is they are getting paid to do it. Oobi — I can’t even begin to explain it — here’s the description from the website: Oobi is an original series based on NOGGIN’s own Parents’ Choice Gold Award-winning short-form series. Oobi, a bare-hand puppet (with eyes and accessories) focuses on the stage in a young child’s life when everything in his or her world is new and incredible. Oobi is a show about wonder. It speaks to the stage in a young child’s life when everything is new and incredible: building a block tower, making cookies. Oobi is a show about children’s first awkward attempts at mastery and meaning. It’s a show about the everyday revelations.
• And then there are the dinosaur shows, we cannot forget the dinosaur shows. If it even has the mention of a dinosaur, we’ve seen it, borrowed it, recorded it. There is even a dinosaur series narrated by Christian Slater and Ben Stiller — it’s not bad. Tyler can tell me the name of practically every dinosaur, but can he distinguish a A from a K — no.

Will cut this short for now, with any luck TIVO is recording a new Land Before Time episode as I type.