Thus starts the philosophical discussion with my Dad last night. What about? It’s silly really.
I’ve been to Utah two times now to help get through the “stuff” my Mom left behind — and I’m headed there again in October so I don’t have to deal with it at Christmas. So I take the time to fly there and go through the stuff of a dead person, and I take off work, put stress on my relationships, make my husband crazy and put the kids in more day care than I care to pay for — because it’s partially my duty, it’s partially intruiguing and it helps me to remember the little things I’m afraid I’ll forget.
So what am I getting at? One of the boxes I shipped my way wasn’t full of photos, it was full of toys — toys I knew I didn’t want to keep, so I put them up on eBay — and they sold.
Mindy is of the opinion that whatever we sell from the house should go into some special “fund” — for what I’m not sure. Dad has his panties in a bundle because he paid for shipping and I made a profit. (Never mind all of the stuff I’ve shipped his way at my expense through the years.) So I finally said I’ll split it 60% 20% 20% — I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do — it will set a precedent no matter what. And it’s not like I tried to sneak the stuff out of the house, or that I was being dishonest about what I was doing with it.
If you get right down to it, they are there and can do whatever they want with the stuff and I would never know the difference — and I understand that. But no, they wait for me to come out, for me to turn into hurricane Danielle and make the mess and then be angry with me for doing it. What’s worse is I know that the stuff I HAD to get through ’cause they HAD to have the space cleared out is still sitting there, waiting to go to charity, Mindy’s, wherever.
I’m just grumpy — grumpy that my Mom is gone, grumpy that I have to take apart her life one closet, one box at a time. I’m grumpy that she didn’t leave enough clues — what is important to save, what came from a yard sale and I don’t need to hang on to — grumpy that I feel so abandoned.
But it’s all going to be OK and we’ll figure this out.
So if random packages of Christmas village show up on your doorstep just know that I’ve been busy and if you don’t want to keep it, that’s OK with me.
So, how do you handle this if you were me?
"So how do you feel if you are me?"
2 responses to “"So how do you feel if you are me?"”
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Danielle — as someone with a really difficult family myself, I know how you’re feeling. You love these folks, on some level, even when they’re being unreasonable jerks, and you end up feeling really torn. Happens to me a LOT. I do usually try to stay out of the line of fire as much as possible, but it’s not always possible. In this case, particularly, you want to honor your mom, remember her, and do right by that memory. Do what you gotta do, and as much as you can stand. But remember, your mom would not have wanted you to bang your head against a wall. She would want you to take care of yourself, and stay strong and sane. If that means telling those guys to deal with it themselves, well, it’s okay. You’re not letting your mom down by setting some boundaries.Good luck. E-mail me sometime if you ever want to exchange heinous family stories. I’ve got a million of ’em.
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Urgghhhh….Keep the profit, and use the don’t ask don’t tell policy. Since neither your dad nor Mindy can cope with going through the mass of stuff your parents have accumulated, I think you should reap the benefits. But, as you know I’m very biased and think it’s ENTIRELY unfair of your family to put the burden of this task ENTIRELY on you. If won’t do it on their own, and insist on having it done, then their say is minimal on what happens to the various collections.
About Me
I started this site so my mom could get news about her grandkids without me having to walk her through the process of trying to open and email attachment several times a week. Since then she has passed away and I’ve fallen off the blog wagon, but I’m inspired to pick it up again now.
Life With Boys 
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